STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mar 10, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C2TUcfmW5o

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let's check in with my wait before we
even begin
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yeah that's not what real quick
according to skill I'm up 10 pounds this
week you guys 10 pounds how what where
I'm not getting it I don't know my skill
is mess-up I'm not not kidding you I
really don't know if my skill is messed
up or what in the world is going on
but 10 pounds in one week you has
seriously got to be losing marbles like
or I must be seriously eatin some
serious meat I mean good lord I got on
the scale and I was like what I got off
the scale I got back on the scale and it
still was saying that I'm like you
seriously have got to be crapping me
right now 10 pound like there's just no
weight
there's no way no way no way I don't get
it
so some of you that I talk to on a daily
basis sorry I did share with you guys
that I had some swelling going on in my
lake where I have like this I don't know
what the heck it is
doctors have checked it I've had
ultrasounds on it they say there's
nothing in it but it's just a pocket of
I don't know what water I guess air I
don't know it's the pocket of love
anyways that pocket of love decided to
grow a little bit this week and it was
had like a whole bunch of red like dots
there weren't bumps there were just dots
all around it really weird and it itched
but the dots didn't itch like it's like
you know when something's swelling and
it itches kind of what it was doing
so anyways that was going on this week
however I don't think it could have
added 10 pounds to my butt I really
don't I don't know like there's no
explanation for it none Holly living is
like Amy you have so Deborah you're
eating so much this week like what the
heck and I'm like I don't know I don't
know I haven't eaten out I have been
eating minimal amounts of food like it
is a shock to us both that my body has
seen 10 pounds up so I don't know how to
deal with that one I really don't
because there is no explanation as to
how I went up 10 pounds in 1 week or so
yeah there's there's there's my weigh-in
for you guys
don't know what to say about it but it
is what it is so I guess I'm up 10
pounds
so I'm gonna go up 10 pounds God give me
a hamburger so ice cream some cake some
of you know what I know you know where I
want it all if I'm gonna go up ten
pounds cuz good god I wouldn't have ten
pounds I didn't do nothin no no anyways
enough for that it could be worse right
tone no really can't be anyways I don't
care I just I know that I haven't done
anything to make it go up ten pounds so
I'm really concerned as to why I jumped
that much but anyways I am on my way to
tarjay I am going to just go look around
and then I might hit up one dollar tree
but I need to be home by 5:00 it's three
o'clock so I didn't snail exactly what
I'm gonna do it is warm it's 47 degrees
but I'm cooking
sorry grab a drink I wouldn't hit him I
was watching on a video where this lady
was talking about when there's leftover
epoxy you don't want to like waste it
like throw it away so you can make
things with it so you can have like a
little bit of glitter to the epoxy and
put it inside the molds and then just
pop the molds out or pop the epoxy out
and those can be like um what do you
call it
samples of like the glitters that you
offer and stuff so that's kind of cool
but anyway so I just got done there and
now I am going to head home I am pooped
my back is hurting me a wheelie bad my
lower back I went to Target and I didn't
have anything I don't know where
everybody's finding all these deals
because we didn't have any cells going
on not that I could find their own spot
but it's my backup thing seeing
someone's behind you
anywho so mmm I love Target pretty
quickly cuz I don't know if for some
reason my back was killing me in target
it wasn't so bad in michaels and i was i
think i yeah i was at michaels longer
than i was target
stop and get me a tea from McDonald's
because they have the taller teas and I
do like a half in half so it's not
really like strong or anything and I can
for a dollar I mean can't beat it I'm
like I said that one day I went and got
one from 7-eleven it was disgusting oh
my god it was so gross I I literally
never finished it I mm-hm
it literally tastes like I was drinking
syrup I mean I can handle some sweet
things a little bit sweet but when you
feel like you're drinking like streets
are up but and that's exactly what it
felt like so I'm gonna go and get me a
tea and then I'm gonna go home oh my
gosh you guys so not sure which one it
was whoever you were tell me who you
were because that scared me the booze
out of me
but I love when you guys come and say hi
I just wasn't expecting it anyways I was
at the McDonald's drive-through getting
a tea and some sweet person come
knocking on my window and said are you
Amy from YouTube I'm like yeah they're
like our family loves you and oh my gosh
thank you so much that means so much to
me but I didn't catch your name cuz I
was caught off guard I'm trying to get
better at this you guys I really am I
promise but thank you so much for saying
hello and please put in who you were so
I can do an official shout out for you
thank you guys and anytime you see me do
not worry to startle me you will see me
jump scream yell hop whoa
but you know what it's alright anyways
thank you for coming up and saying hello
to me I love meeting you guys person to
person so thank you okay s Rock guess
what you want to open your gift up do
you know where who your gift came from
it's from Jennifer Jennifer move you're
like it's not to help you
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what do you say one must say Thank You
Jennifer for stating the obvious one but
what is it dad is it a purse I think
it's a purse some type of a purse you
like it let me see your nightie Oh
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someone want a shirt and it has hey hey
hey hey hey Oh Oh purple
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it's got mallanna
and it has hey hey oh and who's that oh
the big what's its name though do you
know its name soft it's a donkey with
the purse you like it yeah
Casey thank you Thank You Jennifer so
much I appreciate it she absolutely
loves it
thank you thank you you were so sweet
and kind good morning you guys and
everything in between you guys
it is 1:00 o'clock on Sunday afternoon
and I am just now waking up I have been
up and down all morning but first and
foremost this whole set your hour ahead
messes with your body so bad that just
like totally yeah and then I woke up
back to square one again with just
feeling like poo like coughing up a
whole bunch of stuff in my throat in my
lungs and I don't know what is going on
but it's like um so anyways I just took
advantage Ollie let me just sleep and I
slept and slept and slept and I just I
needed it um I think I he made me some
breakfast and I think I was eating it
well sleeping oh I don't remember I was
so out of it but I was so thankful to to
him for letting me just sleep and catch
up on some sleep I just I'm I'm really
tired I feel really heavy like my whole
body just feels so like just heavy it's
weird um but anyways I just yeah I
needed the rest and I got it and I'm
feel much better in that way I feel
better um yesterday oh my gosh we had
like a whole bunch of different things
happen yesterday from excitement to
scariness to uh so first thing was is
okay the first thing that happened was
when I came back from Michaels
huh I don't know honey
um when I came home from Michaels
Jeremiah was asleep and Ollie and I did
like a switch off like he left and I
came home and so when I had come in he I
was asleep in his room which isn't like
him like he normally doesn't take a nap
but I know earlier in the day he what
had been it kind of complaining about
just not feeling very good so I thought
well maybe he's just like just crashed
because he's just not feeling good so um
anyways I just let him sleep you know
and just went along with my what I was
doing with the little ones and trying to
keep it quiet so he could get some rest
and me and the two babies are in the
living room and all of a sudden out of
nowhere
I hear Jeremiah the Lud's girl starts
screaming like a scream that I have
never in my life heard from him and my
heart dropped and I I was on my laptop
and in fact I was getting ready to start
doing answering of comments and I threw
my laptop because it just like the
scream was like one of those screams
where you know your baby is hurting or
something's going on like I don't know
so I threw my my laptop I ran faster
than I think I've ever ran in my life I
ran into his room and he was screaming I
was like calm down you know calm down I
was trying to get his attention like
because he was just like so astatically
screaming and finally I got him to kind
of calm down so he tell me kind of what
was going on I was assessing his body I
was looking but I didn't see anything
for what I could see viewing wise you
know so I'm just like oh my god what is
wrong what is wrong as my baby was wrong
and he's like I can't move my legs I
can't move my legs and I'm like oh my
gosh like what happened because he was
saying he wasn't feeling good earlier in
the day and now he's saying he can't
move his legs and I'm thinking oh my god
what happened
so I started tickling the bottom of his
feet to see if he could fill
and I was looking for my phone because I
didn't have my phone on me oli my
husband my sweet a dear husband he could
didn't hear his phone ringing cuz I kept
calling him to get his attention to come
back home because I was thinking we're
gonna have to rush them into the
hospital or I was gonna call an
ambulance I mean it didn't matter one
way or another my baby was going to the
hospital to figure this out and of
course the babies were upset because you
know their brother was screaming and I
just didn't I was trying to keep the
whole I got him to calm down and I
started working with his legs and I
started moving him a little bit and they
were still pretty sore but I was being
able to start helping him to lift him
and by the end about 20 minutes later I
think we figured out he was having
charley horses in both of his legs well
he's never experienced it so I'm sure it
scared the poo out of him and I know I
had them I had charley horses after I
had Omar within just a few days of
giving birth to him I was in bed and my
calf I kept having them in my right calf
and it's scary especially when you've
never experienced it could you imagine
it being in both of your legs I mean I'm
sure you wig doubt so little by little I
had him kind of start moving or you know
his legs lifting them up a little bit
and that I helped him stand up and I
held his hand and we walked across the
room and stuff and then it kind of
walked itself out oh my gosh you guys my
heart oh I was just like you know as a
mom that's like the last thing you want
to see is your baby's hurting you know
and you just want to like reach into
wherever it is that's hurting and
replace it with your own body and when
you don't have control over what's going
on it's scary you know it really really
is scary and it just broke my heart
because I just you know like I said I
have never seen my son scream like that
so I knew there was something seriously
wrong and
you could see the fear in his eyes when
he couldn't move his legs so yeah it
definitely scared me pretty bad but we
you know we got it settled down got
things cleared up and then Omar so you
know how we've been working on the whole
potty training bit with him and you know
I just kind of been letting him kind of
do his thing um I suppose when potty
trained for months and she's done
excellent she picked up the potty
training like a breeze but mr. Omar
Ramadan just was not gonna have it he
had his own planning he was gonna do his
own plan so anyways we ran out of
diapers without even knowing we were
running out of diapers and I didn't feel
like going to the store all he didn't
feel like going to the stores so I said
okay well then we're done with diapers
because I'm not gonna do this and I'm
not going to the store just to make it
happen for him well I have seen him like
wandering around in circles in the
living room
and holding on to his bottom and he's
like mommy I need to go I need a diaper
I need a diaper I need a diaper well he
had a diaper on but he wanted a fresh
diaper to do his business and and about
the last week and a half we noticed that
every time he would pee he wanted to be
changed and so I knew he was getting
ready I knew he was really seriously
getting them to that point but I was
Omar his personality is he'll do it when
he's ready and if you push him it's just
gonna make him do like not want to do it
even not much more so anyways so he was
asking for a diaper and I'm like we
don't have any more like we don't have
any more what you have on is that's it
you know we're done we don't have him so
I was like do you need to go football
and he's like no no no and I'm like do
you go boo-boo he's like I need a diaper
I'm like no do you need to go poopoo so
I fought with him for a few minutes
finally I got him to take it off and run
to the toilet and you guys it took me
about an hour
him kicking and screaming bloody murder
throwing a tantrum getting up and down
off of the toilet but as soon as he'd
get off he knew he had to go so he would
sit back on the toilet then he'd get
back up and then he would jump back on
the toilet coz he knew he had a go but
he kept holding it because he didn't
want to go
finally I and I even put like on my
phone I looked up on YouTube some
cartoons of you know kids using the
toilet and oh he was so mad at everybody
he was telling everybody to get out but
then when I would get out then he would
tell me to come back in but when oli
would come and try to talk to me you got
daddy cat out go away
um so anyways after an hour of fighting
with him he finally went and you should
have seen the excitement on his face
like I did it and so we all gave him
high-fives and clapped and he felt so
good and he has not had a diaper on
since he's been in underwears and he did
not have an accident last night during
night time he's going potty on his own
he's totally just he totally has owned
this potty training session finally so I
could officially say after 24 years of
changing diapers and being responsible
for carrying diapers around with me I am
officially done with the diaper seeing
you guys and it feels amazing
I don't hurt I still have the whole wipe
in the butt session but I can handle the
whole wipe in the butt but I don't have
to worry about diapers and it is such an
amazing feeling like it really is and
but you know I seen the excitement on
his face just made it feel so much
better so we went from the whole thing
of having a major emergency almost
calling the ambulance to pick up my son
for the hospital to my littlest boy puen
in the toilet and not have to change
diapers anymore
so anyways yes I had a very exciting day
yesterday between freakout and
celebrations and everything in between
and yeah I just I'm really it was a good
day it was just a long day yesterday was
a really really really long day
but it all works out and it all worked
out and so we are all healthy happy and
all potty-trained so we're all good
we're all using the toilet well let's
get ready to do our book reading you
guys we are on February 7th and the
reading today is today I choose to honor
and accept the uniqueness of my journey
rather than comparing it to others let's
read that again today I choose to honor
and accept the uniqueness of my journey
rather than comparing it to others Wow
you know with dealing with my way in
yesterday and seeing how I went up ten
pounds which still just doesn't make any
sense to me I still am in complete
baffle nosov that you know I have to sit
back and I have to say you know maybe I
did gain 10 pounds we don't know why
it's probably something to do medically
I would imagine because I don't see how
I don't see where I would have gained 10
pounds eating but maybe I did maybe I
slept and did it and I mean I told you I
don't remember even eating breakfast
this morning so hopefully maybe I did
but you know I can't say well so-and-so
lost 15 pounds this week and you know I
gained 10 pounds this week and you know
so and so emotionally is at this point
this week and I've set back myself a
little bit emotionally on my journey
this week you know I have to just
embrace my journey for where I'm at
embrace my journey for it be mine and
mine only like this is a
mieze life journey and everybody has
their life journey and when you put your
name in front when you put your name in
front of life journey that's you owning
your own journey and so I would not take
my life journey and say my my life
journey is essaouira life journey
because it's not my journey that's my
daughter's journey that would be like me
putting in you know cat lady's life
journey because you know it's my journey
how I am dealing with things is my
journey and everybody has their journey
but to put yourself on it on a I guess
you would say a spectrum of well I'm not
meeting up with so-and-so's life journey
in this life journey and well this
person's here and that person's because
again like we've talked about this
multiple times we are all individuals
and this is our life journeys and so
putting yourself on anybody else's
measurements is irrelevant I mean I
think people I think people come up with
these ideas that they're I think people
start to believe that there are
expectations of where you should be is
the journey that you should be on you
know I was reading a comment on
somebody's YouTube I'm not going to
mention the youtuber but I was reading a
comment on someone's YouTube channel of
one of their subbies and it said it put
me Tammy Chantal Marie amberlynn read
pink fairy life by Jen it put all of us
in a bubble okay and it said something
in the aspects I'm not gonna get the
exact same wording because I don't have
the comment pulled up but it was
something to the effect of that you know
we're all the exact same youtubers you
know we use our
make believe medical issues for views
and you know where that we take our our
weight-loss journey a joke and that we
don't do it and you know I I read this
comment and I really took an offensive
and usually I don't usually I'm just
like okay you know what whatever you
know people can say and believe what
they want but I just simply commented
back I said something in there regards
of you know it's it's funny how you can
say this I just wondering if you know us
personally you know because the thing is
is that you cannot you cannot speak for
any one of us we all are on our own life
journeys every one of us that own our
YouTube channels and are sharing our
journeys and our weight loss journeys we
all are doing it at the levels that we
are at one thing that I will say that we
all have in common is that we we live a
life of having our coping skill mainly
turning to our food addiction and that's
what we all have in common is that food
is our addiction however that journey of
why our food is our addiction is all
different we all lose weight at our own
paces you know I'm not trying to lose
weight to be a size zero because I want
a sexy body I'm not trying to lose
weight to be a certain size at all
that's not what my my intentions are as
I'm losing weight it's I'm losing the
coverage of what I've believed was my
safety for many many years I used my
weight as my safety bounce
I believed if you know I was fat and
ugly that you know people wouldn't want
to hurt me I became fat because I you
know had a food
issue because I was starved for many
years of my life I didn't have the
adequate amount of food that I should
have had growing up I became fat because
I I do you know suffer medical issues
that I did not and was not aware does
cause you know your body to retain water
and retain you know certain certain
things to cause you to overeat you know
depression meds can cause you to gain
weight because it causes you to eat
endometriosis you gain weight within
Demetrios is because you contain water
there's multiple multiple multiple and I
can't speak for everyone of the
youtubers that this person spoke about I
don't know what every one of their life
journey's are that's not for me to speak
about what my what my my part is is to
follow each and every one of them and to
show them the greatest support that they
need just like I need and I wish that in
life that everybody would see that that
Terry and somebody down is such a it's
so sad it's so sad you know people say
will you use your weight for views how
do I use my weight for views what what
what am i doing to show to show you guys
for views I don't believe that I don't
believe that you know yeah in my life
I've started thousands of diets you guys
thousands but that was before I started
youtube I started YouTube once I started
my journey so I didn't have that
progressive issue of starting and
stopping and starting and stopping and
you know starting a diet and it failing
and you know starting a diet and then I
come into a binge I never I never have
recorded that because I didn't start my
journey at that time my journey started
when I started my videoing my video and
my you to lean had I been doing YouTube
just prior to that six months you guys
would have seen me start and stop
probably six different diets
just in six months because I wasn't at a
point where I was at the level of
severity of my nutrition work and my
therapy to be able to pertain one
certain movement and that was just
taking one step at a time every single
day and not actually starting a diet per
se but really working on my relationship
with food but again we're all in this
differently in our stages you know some
of us just started therapy some of us
have been in therapy for a couple of
years I've been in therapy for almost
two years we're coming up on a two-year
mark I've been in therapy for two years
I've only been in my youtube channel
since July that tells you guys I already
had started my therapy six months prior
to me even starting my journey of my
channel so right there shows you I had
six months ahead of myself some of us
haven't even started therapy yet we've
tried maybe but maybe we weren't at that
point in our life where we were ready
for it therapy is scary it's scary it's
not easy if you suffer for the issues
that some of us obese youtubers suffer
therapy is very scary because it touches
some very scary topics that we have not
visited for years so to pull those
things up now is scary so I just wish
people would have more respect and I
wish people would understand that we are
not we're not all equal every one of us
youtubers that are on a journey of life
change where none of us are on the same
level and none of us fairly should be
put against each other because we are
all on our own level of where we are in
our in our journey of learning the
respective food what food is for I don't
think there's any one of us that have a
channel that have brought it to you guys
to share our journeys with
enjoy living the life that we have in
the sense of we enjoy suffering a food
addiction that we enjoy having medical
issues that some believe are fake I'm
not gonna come up here and show you
pictures of you no documentation of my
medical records to prove to you guys
that I have a medical issue or that what
I'm what I've been diagnosed with is
diagnosed through a doctor I ain't gonna
show that because you know what my words
good enough and if you don't want to
believe my words then you don't need to
watch because everybody that's been on
my channel believes everything that I've
said because I've given no reason to
disqualify my words and I don't believe
that any one of us deserve to have to
show our medical records to just be
believed but again you know what there's
some of us out there that just will
never understand what others suffer from
and that's okay too but I just wish that
those people would understand the words
that you say can set somebody back
you're not gonna set me back but it did
offend me because again how dare you
watch my videos and watch my channel
with the idea that I'm fake there's
nothing fake in this there's nothing
fake about my life there is nothing fake
about this journey this is a one step
journey that I have been on but just
like an alcoholic just like a drug
addict just like anybody else every day
you're gonna wake up and you're going to
have to work hard for what you want and
you know what some of us are working
really really really hard and some of us
just started so give us all a chance
stop pointing fingers stop putting us
all on a spectrum and saying that we all
need to be the same because we're not
not one of us people are going to be the
same I am never gonna be the same as
Chantel Marie I am never gonna be the
same as life by Jen I'm never gonna be
the same as Tammy Slayton I'm never
gonna be the same as amberlynn Reid I'm
never gonna be the same as pink fairy
I'm not gonna be the same as anybody
because I'm Amy's life journey just like
amber lynn has a life journey Chantel
Marie has a life journey
Slayton has a life journey life by Jin
has a life journey pink by ferry has a
life journey everybody has their own
life journey we are not the same people
we're not so stop putting us against
each other because we're not and this
shouldn't be a competition it shouldn't
be oh well you know amberlynn read lost
ten pounds this week so I better lose
ten pounds because if I don't then I'm
gonna become the the joke and I'm gonna
become the fake oh my gosh life bye Jen
she gained three pounds this week that
means she probably she probably totally
just didn't work and do anything oh my
god
Chantel Marie she lost five pounds that
means she really hit the gym hard and
Amy Amy's life journey she didn't lose
nothing oh my god then she's just
totally given up and Amy's gonna be just
like Amber Lynn Reed they're gonna
become a joke they're gonna become using
their channel to just make money dude we
don't make money we don't make money
we really don't the amount of money that
we would make isn't worth people
pointing their fingers at us and making
us feel like crap
okay so yeah we may make some dollars
off of our channel but it's not enough
for what people put us through
so stop stop let us all go through our
life journey's one by one and
individually if you don't want to watch
our channels don't watch don't watch but
at the same time don't point fingers at
us and put us all up against each other
because we're not and this is not a
competition this is not a competition
I support amber Lynn Reed in every every
aspect that she goes through I support
her because you know what I've been
there
same with Chantal Marie same with life
bye Jen same with Tammy Slayton pink
fairy we don't know what's going on
there but I still support the lady why
because we're all doing our own journeys
we're all doing our own things and it's
not our right for any which one of us to
point and accuse and blame and whatever
it's not our job all our job is to be is
a supporter if you
and support go watch something else go
watch something else it's not gonna hurt
you but to sit there and keep pointing
at SL and laughing at us and making it a
joke it's not a joke it's not a joke
it's really not so I married my daily
read one more time hopefully it sticks
with people today I choose to honor and
accept the uniqueness of my journey
rather than comparing it to others so
maybe flip that around and say today I
choose to honor and accept the
uniqueness of everyone II everybody
else's journeys rather than comparing it
to others let that sink in today I hope
you all have a wonderful day
I will check in with you guys here late
and a little bit later I'm going to go
and get a shower in and start my day
because I I have things to do but I love
and appreciate every one of you guys
that are here that have been my great
supporters I appreciate all of the
encouragement I love each and every one
of you and because of you guys is what
continues to make me drive even that
much harder and I could not be more
thankful for this channel and for all
the amazing friendships that I have
gained I've gained a beautiful mother
out of it I've gained sisters out of it
I have gained amazing friends out of
this channel and I would never in my
life ever ever ever ever regret starting
my youtube channel just because of you
guys the comments that I see I let them
roll off my back as water on feathers
but to some of us that are really
struggling with our channels in the
sense of struggling for our journeys
those are the ones that I'm speaking up
for because sometimes the voices of
those don't get heard and I want to show
my support to each and every one of us
because we're all unique we're all doing
this by ourselves but with the amazing
support that we can gather just makes
the journey that much better so I think
you again you guys for all
of the love that you give me and my
family and I just I love having my
channel because I know what I go through
others go through and sometimes those
voices aren't heard and so if I can be
the voice for everybody I will do it
whether it takes a heart a hard knock I
don't care I will be the voice for
whomever needs to be heard so anyways I
love you guys and I will check in with
you soon
bye bye